The Summons: What Do We Do With Shadow?

This reflection continues an exploration of the unknown in our inner worlds, sometimes called the shadow. Part 1 took up the question “What Is Shadow?” while parts 2 and 3 follow the questions “What Do We Do with Shadow?” and “What Is the Gift of Shadow?”

THE SUMMONS

WHAT DO WE DO WITH SHADOW? (PART 2 OF 3)

In part one of this series on shadow I suggested that it is most helpful to think of the shadow as that which is unknown within us. Such a description may depart from standard notions about the shadow as the dark and the unwanted that is lurking in corners and must be avoided. Instead, the shadow offers us gifts if it can be included as the place where the politely tucked away, the unknown, and the unfamiliar dwell. Our ideal relationship with the shadow is a “thin” persona and a “moderate” vs. a “massive” shadow. To review these ideas, visit part one, The Unknown: What Is Shadow?

MOVEMENT OF GRACE

I believe that the call to shadow work is a movement of grace. At least as I have experienced the invitation myself and as I have seen it emerge in the lives of people I see for spiritual direction, shadow work arises as a summons we cannot avoid. This is not a sign of failure or dysfunction, but some beckoning well outside our usual means of control and intention. An experience, a conversation, a transition, a loss—something whisks us into a place of uncertainty. It can also happen when we encounter art or the natural world and something awakens in us that we did not previously perceive. There, at the edge of something we used to know and assume, we are invited to turn toward what is trying to emerge from our shadows.

If the summons itself is a movement of grace, I believe the same can be said about the courage and curiosity that rises within us to turn toward and embrace the shadow. Without some movement of grace, we might resist such work in hopes we can carry on as usual with what our self already knows, or because we don’t think we can endure the discomfort. I sense God’s presence being revealed in small moments that lead me forward into the unknown with enough freedom and hope to trust a process that is mostly beyond my power. The central movement of unknown material becoming conscious (shadow becoming self) empowers us to move toward the world with a larger self and a thinner persona. And yet that movement is more a long gift of ongoing discovery than the result of arduous effort.

Shadow will always be a natural part of the process of being human, so it is important to understand that we cannot choose or force shadow work. We cannot deploy all the usual tools of our knowing and our confident selves to vanquish or plunder the hidden places of our inner worlds. That approach might work, occasionally, as the self reaches into the outer world through the persona. However, reaching the inner world through shadow requires a different disposition, one of humility and compassion empowered by grace. To the degree that we remain grounded in this disposition, the following five strategies, adapted from the work of William Miller (Your Golden Shadow) are helpful ways of befriending what is unknown within us.

SOLICIT OBSERVATIONS FROM OTHERS

The shadow constitutes the elements of our inner world that remain unknown to us. It is possible (uncomfortably so), however, for some of those elements to be visible to those around us. For example, a colleague may notice things we are saying or doing unconsciously. Perhaps we are repeating certain phrases, communicating something contrary to our words through our body language, appearing distracted or overly focused, or reacting to situations in a curious way. Ideally, such observations become a gift of awareness. If we are open to the process of discovery through the eyes of others, one way to begin is covenanting with trusted companions to speak loving truth to one another for the sake of increasing self-awareness.

UNCOVER THE CONTENT OF OUR PROJECTIONS

Projection is attributing to someone else the positive or negative characteristics we carry unconsciously in ourselves. We might attribute motivations to another or project blame that more rightfully belongs to us. Because projection begins unconsciously, it can be difficult to unpack. First, we must catch ourselves in the act. Consider working with questions like these: In what relationship are we experiencing an emotional intensity? What assumptions am I making about that person that have me particularly stirred up? If you can identify particular characteristics you see in that person—positive or negative, how are those same characteristics alive and working in you? Bringing that projection into the light will remove some of its hidden power and presents us with a choice about how we might withdraw some of our projections and engage the relationship differently.

EXAMINE OUR SLIPS OF TONGUE AND BEHAVIORS

Especially on days when much has demanded of me, I notice myself confusing words, making mistakes, or doing things mindlessly that suggests something is stirring beyond my current awareness. On these days my inner world seems to beg for attention because the persona has been on overdrive. Ignoring my unexpected words and behaviors does not address the shadow’s invitation, but journaling, walking, finding solitude, conversing with a friend, or just pausing for a few deep breaths helps me turn inward with care and respect. The point is to pay attention to those slips as signs of something stirring beyond my ordinary knowing.

CONSIDER YOUR HUMOR AND ASSOCIATIONS

Part of the magic of humor is the surprising connection revealed between the immediate context and something entirely different. We tease and entertain one another by linking present experiences with little things we know about one another or stories that come to mind at the spurring of some conversation. Because humor is somewhat improvisational, it draws on our inner material to interpret and build upon the moment. Examining our humor and associations, then, is not unlike reverse engineering. If I find myself joking often about the use of alcohol, for example, it might be helpful to explore what role alcohol is taking in my everyday life and how I might be relating to it without even thinking intentionally. Similarly, when stories and memories come to mind through conversation or experience, it can be fruitful to reflect further about what feelings or wisdom might be trying to come forward from the shadow.

STUDY YOUR DREAMS, DAYDREAMS, AND FANTASIES

Once we have some practice exploring humor and associations in everyday conversation, then studying dreams, daydreams and takes on a new degree of importance. If we want to uncover what is happening in the shadow, we have only to turn toward the constant flow of imagination that is hidden from the world. While we do not often share this material with others, we each possess a wide and colorful narrative below. If you have difficulty remembering your dreams or daydreams, consider keeping a journal dedicated just to those. I find even the intention to remember my dreams helps me become more attentive and ready. I also find that fantasies tend to hold some nugget of truth about our deepest and most sincere longings. Before throwing them out as impractical, let them speak about whatever is in you that might be reaching toward something beautiful and true.

Now that we have rooted shadow work in a disposition of humility and compassion empowered by grace, I invite you to practice allowing your shadow to add its wisdom to your self. With faith and hope we can trust that the Spirit is working to sustain our courage and humility in relationship with God, self, others, and creation.

Engaging the Shadow: Choose one concrete step from among the five strategies listed above to befriend what remains hidden in your shadow. How do you choose to prepare yourself to welcome the gifts which might be made known?

Poem Exercise: This poem was written with an eye to the constant flow of thought and feeling within us and is included in my book Ice Break: A Collection of Poems on Slow Change. Linger with the poem a bit and then explore these questions: What story has been “spoken inwardly over and over again” for you? Write a gentle response or prayer you might offer the next time it arises.

Scripts

What do our souls learn
from stories spoken inwardly
over and over again?

Refrains about being right
and getting our due
make us good at feeling lonely,
nearly as well as lines
about not being enough
and needing to please
teach us to dismiss sheer joy.

So how do we
let go such mischief?
What can we practice
until our hearts warm with virtue?

Perhaps we pray for
freedom from inner untruths,
strength to speak the highest road,
hearts tuned to beauty,
or a long memory
for every instance of grace.

Maybe even turning
toward prayer is the beginning
of a story closer to
light and hope and love.